What Comes Next?

Gotta admit... this is the first blog kind of thing I've ever done, and really, it's addicting. It's nice to know that there are people out in the world who are interested in reading my posts and actually comment on them. It makes me feel appreciated, and like I actually exist in this world, instead of being a shadow.

Today was one of the worst days in Japanese class! Nothing happened, really. We had a substitute, who I knew pretty well. All we did was work on our Japanese speeches which are to be presented next week, and make paper cranes. I have made over 20 cranes this week, and so I've grown tired of making cranes. Just the class before Japanese, I had made maybe ten or so cranes. Also, I long ago finished my speech, and now all I need to do is present it. So I had nothing to do, which gave me a lot of extra energy that I didn't know what to do with. My boy happened to be texting me at the time and he told me entertain myself, and so that gave me an idea...

I attempted being a fail ninja. I wanted to be caught sneaking out of the back door, and running through the front door. So I crawled over to the door, and kept sneaking glances at the sub, who wasn't paying attention, and leapt out the door. I ran around the class room, and then quietly snuck back in. I did this four times, and he knew something was up, but he didn't know WHAT. The entire class giggled and watched me do this. I actually had to tell the sub what I was doing, and he just laughed. Really, I think it's sad when I fail and being a fail ninja. Sheesh, that's weird, because usually people notice when I do something like that.

Gosh, having so much energy though, I got into trouble eventually. I couldn't sit down and just be calm... Usually I would sit down in my desk and lay my head down and listen to my ipod until class was over, but my ipod was declared as broken this morning, and now I have to go without, which is truly killing me. At least the entire class enjoyed my pain of not knowing what to do and watched me as I tried spending my energy doing weird things. I don't think they know that I'm actually really upset and I'm just trying to entertain myself.

It really sucks when I am good at my favorite class and I have nothing to do, while the other kids are goofing off doing other things and ignoring me. I tried engaging in games with the few friends I have in my Japanese class, but none of them wanted to play and just continued doing their own thing. I swear, it gets really lonely in Japanese class. I thought we were going to watch a Japanese movie today, like we usually do, and so I was really disappointed when we didn't. Nobody shared my pain.

I am not stupid to really think that nobody understands me, but I think that nobody in my Japanese class really knows me and what the hell I go through when I'm in that class. Japanese class is one of my escapes from life actually... when I get stressed out, Japanese is a relief.

Anxiety is a bitch, and I really wish I could rid myself of it, because it's a huge pain in the ass when I stand out from the crowd, in a BAD way.

Complaining gets me nowhere, so what are the good things of today? Hmm, well, today it wasn't raining when I walked down to the bus stop, only mildly cloudy. Also, I didn't miss my bus. Not only that, but the friend that I sit next to on the bus actually talked to me today, instead of listening to his mp3 (which broke... so does that still count?), when I got to the place I hang out at in the mornings, I folded paper cranes, my friends didn't ignore me today, I remembered to eat breakfast... My mom said she'd get me a new ipod next week.

Yeah, that stuff is good. Maybe things aren't as bad as I thought they were, and I was only looking on the down side?

What do you guys do on days like these?