YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!
Every day I dream about you more and more. I imagine the things I’m going to say to you, and the things I’m going to do with you. Staring out the window during class when the chance is presented to me, I stare off into the sky, thinking about just what I want to do when I finally get the chance to be with you in person, and just what that would be like. My imagination probably spices things up, so I’m sure it really won’t be like what is inside my head, but still, I am excited. Some of it must be true, because our love is what will make it happen. I know that when I meet you, I am absolutely going to hug you, and I expect a warm embrace back.
When I finally meet you, I know I’m going to be at a loss for what to say. I’ll be happy, but also nervous, so I’ll be tongue-tied and clumsy (not that that’s actually different from what I’m usually like).
Thinking more about that hug now, I realize that I may not hug you right away. I’ll be nervous about what you think of me, even though you tell me that I’m beautiful. I’ll probably stare at you, scared, worried, excited, curious… so many conflicting emotions. My thoughts will be a nanosecond long as so much goes through my mind. Ha, I doubt that I’ll even have enough time to think.
You already do things to me now, just with your voice and your writing. So let’s take it a step further and we meet in person. What do you think is going to happen? Yes, I am totally going to fall even deeper into love with you. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I think it’s scary, because all this feeling is consuming my heart fast.
How can it even be possible to think of you as much as I do? Really, when you’re always on my mind, it almost seems like you never go away—and that’s not a bad thing! It’s extremely comforting and exciting, but also, my imagination cannot fulfill your roll in my life, and so I find myself often missing you and wishing you were talking to me. Even though you haven’t been gone, or you’re on the phone with me, I think, “Damn, I really miss him.” Or even better, I often think, “I miss his presence in my life… How can I miss what I’ve never had?” because truly, I crave your hugs and kisses all the time. Some times are much more potent than others, so I’ll sit and stare at my computer screen in frustration wondering just how I can cheat reality and get a real hug from you anyway. Of course, I already know it’s hopeless to think it’s going to happen so easily, but I can have my dreams!
If some of this doesn’t make any sense, don’t worry. It’s not because I’m an insane girl obsessing over a boy, going on and on and on about how much she loves him and drools over him. Really. It’s actually because I’m very tired, and that doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve wanted less and less sleep since I met you, because finally, my reality is much better than my dreams. I can truthfully say that this is the first time I’ve ever felt this way. Or in other words, you have reached a place in my heart that almost nothing or anybody has even caught a glimpse of.
You are so important, so special to me. I really wish I knew how you became so close to me so fast! It’s almost as if you know the secrets of my heart, the secrets that not even I know.