The Zombie Times (Link: http://amzn.com/B00HDWFJOK)

Calimax

The generic drug Calimax is now available at West Side Zombie Safe Houses throughout New England. Found to be effective for the relief of dry and itchy skin, Calimax has been approved by undead pharmacists and beauticians.

If while using Calimax, you experience skin decay, the loss of appendages, loss of appetite, severe anxiety or depression, a craving for fruits and vegetables or a desire to play with children, stop the use of the drug and consult your physician.

Classifieds:

For rent: Abandoned barn in Berkshires. Near Tanglewood. Houses up to six walkers. Running water. Fresh hikers abound. Gun free zone. A zombie paradise. Asking one live hiker a month plus delivery. Respond to The Zombie Times in care of Emilia.

Help Wanted: Fast shufflers to catch elderly women leaving bingo. I provide the leads. Will share the catch down the middle. You pick half. Contact Uncle Al at RoundemUp.AOL.com

Lost and Found: Pocket knife. Still inside pocket. Still on leg. Could be white male about twenty-five with size ten shoe. Reply to Molly at Molly279@Gmail.com