A Disaster In Place

Somebody tell me what I should do... My heart is aching, as my anxiety gets worse and worse. The guy I love... yes him, the one who is always on my mind. Some thing is happening to us. He has told me multiple times, nothing can separate us besides death, and his mom. His mom... why? 

My guy's mom wants him to marry specific girls. She doesn't want him marrying scum like me. She doesn't know me though... how can she know who I am? How can she say that I am not suit to be with him?

His mom found out about me, and I know that nothing she says to me could make me leave him. But for him, this could be torture. He says he is serious about me and will fight for me, but I am scared that his mom will convince him to leave me. 

Although I am not religious at all, I have prayed so many times for this guy, being sincere with every prayer. I begged a God that I don't even know exists, to please not take him away from me... 

I know life is cruel, and no matter what I want, we can't stop things from happening. But just this once, I am hoping that God will answer my brokenhearted prayer and grant my wish.

I may not have the worse situation, but I still have something bad, and I have every right to cry about it. In my past, so many terrible things happened to me (do not pity me, this is only information for you to process). The one thing in my past that hurts the most is rejection by my father, and all the abuse he poured upon me for 15 years of my life. And now, because I have finally found a guy who I absolutely trust, I am unwilling to let go. 

Will I be forced to let go of this guy? I don't want him to go. I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep him with me, by my side. Whatever I must do, I will do it. For the first time ever, I found happiness, TRUE happiness. The only thing I want is for him to be happy, even if that means that I must give up my own happiness. Even if that means that he won't be with me, but another girl who will make him happier, I would be willing to let go of him then. But a forced breakup will make neither of us happy.

I once had to witness a friend go through a forced breakup. I was there as she received the call from her boyfriend's mom. I was there for a couple days, and I watched her struggle to smile. I worked so damn hard to make sure she was a little bit happy with company, I made sure that she smiled and laughed at least a little bit... but god, that stress... 

Please, pray for me, pray for my boy, pray for happiness... I will continue to pray. I will send continuous prayers to a God that may not exist. I will hope that life will grant me the gift of love, and allow me to keep it until I pass away. 

My one fear: I'd rather die than hear the words that will force my boy away from me. 

Those are my feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress. Heartbreaks are very bad, but never before have I felt so into a guy that I would even truly consider death.

Let's hope that things go well, shall we?