Wicked Zombies

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE...MAYBE TWICE!

Something to tickle your rib-cage, by Keith Carpenter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A ZOMBIE WHEN....

 

1)   It’s suddenly easy being GREEN.

 

2)   You start using Envy as an excuse.

 

3)   Your friends tell you to “Break a Leg” but you can’t because it       already fell off.

 

4)   You only wish someone would fart in the elevator so you can finally smell something besides yourself.

 

5)   The hooker asks you to give her a tip but you’re embarrassed to admit you actually left her the WHOLE THING.

 

6)   You have an uncontrollable urge to write a “Happy Father’s Day” Card to George Romero.

 

7)   Giving someone head takes on a whole new meaning.

 

8)   You’re suddenly more interested in a girls Brains than her Boobs.

 

9)   You’re door to door sales job fails because even the Jehovah’s witnesses won’t answer the door.

 

10)  Your best friends names are UGGRREH and MMUGGRRH

 

11)  Your friends can find you by Following the Yellow maggot Road… Oh, if I only HAD A BRAIN!

 

12)   You trade in your Viagra for Rigor Mortis.

 

13)   You don’t call home to your wife anymore, but now you just show up for the séances.

 

14)   Your wife’s new pet name for you is “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

 

15)  You’re in a movie with Tom Savini.

 

16)  You keep thinking the medical Journal of Anatomy is a menu.

 

17)  The only time you see your family is when you’re eating leftovers.

 

18)   Beer actually does “Go Right Through You”

 

19)  You see a pretty girl and your eyes pop out… but then they’re hell to stick back in.

 

20)  You’re friends ask you “How’s Jim” and you respond with “He’s delicious… want some?”

 

21) You throw your dog a bone and realize your foot’s attached to it.

 

22) You’re skin is more leathery than your mother-in-law’s, which doesn't taste as bad as you thought it would.

 

23) You still brush your teeth after every meal, but now you brush them into a dust-pan and toss them in the garbage.

 

24) Instead of having the urge to soak your feet in warm water after a long day, now you use formaldehyde.

 

25) Instead of using oil of Oley for your facial you suddenly find yourself having to use BONDO.

 

Written by Keith Carpenter

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THEM.                 

 

 

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Comment by kasumalley on April 22, 2011 at 10:35pm
"23) You still brush your teeth after every meal, but now you brush them into a dust-pan and toss them in the garbage." 

Sounds like a really bad recurring dream I have. lol I ALWAYS dream that my teeth fall out. It flips me out more than a really scary dream.
Comment by Komrad Scarlet Zombie☭ on April 21, 2011 at 11:35pm
Keith Carpenter you have a funny sense of Humor! LOL!
Comment by Keith Carpenter on April 21, 2011 at 11:25pm

hahahaha please tell me you didn't have that laying around the house :P hahahhaha

hey btw when is the chatroom going to be back up and running? 

Comment by Komrad Venessa Wicked☭ on April 21, 2011 at 11:01pm
Keith this is for the Zombie Skin Line... When Beauty is everything use BONDO!
Comment by Keith Carpenter on April 21, 2011 at 10:54pm
thanks friends.... glad you enjoyed them. :P
Comment by Komrad Lady Sunyak on April 21, 2011 at 11:18am
lmfao
Comment by kasumalley on April 21, 2011 at 2:03am
Oh, yeah, I believe I watched the video for that on something. Someone had it posted here. I don't know if it was you or not. Zombie jokes are always a win here. ;)
Comment by Keith Carpenter on April 21, 2011 at 1:42am
I am great :) I am glad those funny little zombie jokes gave you a giggle. I wrote them originally for a friend of mine who has a puppet series he does called the Creepy Puppet Project and he did a stand up zombie comedian doing those jokes.
Comment by kasumalley on April 21, 2011 at 1:31am

"14)   Your wife’s new pet name for you is “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!” "

 

lol Thanks for the laughs! ;) How are you?

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It's been awhile since I have been home here on Wicked Zombies...I've been doing so much searching within this outer world of life...

   I've since gotten re-married and have been working back in security for the last couple of years. Have started back writing again and have purchased an actual house. It's hard being away from my family even though I need to work and support them, but it's a shame a person has to work so much that they miss their kids growing up...

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