An Archie Movie is Happening… With Zombies!

Glee and Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark writer (of terrible things) Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa is teaming up with Pitch Perfect director Jason Moore to explore the madcap world of Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and I’m just padding my word count by mentioning every character like Mr. Weatherby and the dog, because there is a dog, right?

Anyway, many are wondering if this will be an adaptation of Aguirre-Sacasa’s zombie themed Archie comic series, Afterlife with Archie, which is about the un-dead walking dead on the streets of Riverdale in search of warm bodies so they can eat brains and original plot ideas.

It is unlikely that this would be an adaptation of Aguirre-Sacasa’s Glee/Archie comic crossover story, because that would be a wholesale hate crime and a pox upon humanity.

Those are the maybe’s and the probably not’s, but what this film certainly won’t be, though, is the Archie film that I and many others have been waiting for for 16 years. Where is our searing drama about Archie and Jughead’s forbidden love, Hollywood? I demand a story that is 52% Brokeback Mountain, 18% Mr. Magoo, 7% Brenda Starr, 6% Buffy the cinema film, and 36% Emanuelle in Space. A story that tells of the betrayal that Betty and Veronica feel after years of being strung along, the cardboard storefronts masking the secret of Archie’s double life.